Wednesday, February 27, 2008

In Our Beginning

In our beginning there was darkness. A void. A place of nothing. And the Powers That Be looked upon the darkness and said, "It is good. For in the great expanse of Nothing lie the gifts of hope and imagination. In this darkness shall All That Is find rest and strength for that which is to come. Its name shall be called Night."

And it was so.

Then in the Night of darkness a song was heard. A song of calm and wisdom. A song of comfort. A song of patience. A song that knows the Truth of Faith in the unseen. And it was good.

Then a light flickered in the center of the darkness. A small, beautiful flicker like unto a candle's flame. The Powers That Be drew in their breath and the flame grew brighter, revealing itself a fire of glory, lighting the hope of the world with life, giving birth to All That Is. The Powers That Be looked upon the light and said, "It is good. For in this warm light lie beginnings of dreams that grow into reality. All That Is shall bloom and burst forth with life and renewal, giving body to that which was only imagined to be. The flowers of this Light breathe a scent of peace and wishes of enlightenment. Its name shall be called Dawn."

And it was so.

The morning birds sang for the Beauty that Is and the fish of the sea and the creatures of the land joined in the song with voices praising the Powers That Be and All That Is. Joy was manifested across the earth. And it was good.

Then the fire of Glory revealed itself the Sun of All That Is. It lightened and warmed the land and the sea with its glory-filled blaze. All That Is stood witness as dreams came to fruition and blessings multiplied tenfold. The Powers That Be looked upon the Sun and said, "It is good. For in this brightness shall all that was hidden from view be illuminated and the dreams of imaginations be fully realized. All That Is shall find never-ending joy in the Sun's manifestations. There shall be much rejoicing in the Growth of all, bringing pleasure to All That Is. It's name shall be called Day."

And it was so.

Many blessings earlier hidden came clearly into view and were embraced by All That Is. And there was much rejoicing and celebrating and praising the Powers That Be. Gratitude and joy spread through All That Is. And it was good.

Then the flame began to grow smaller, the light to dim. All That Is grew tired and the creatures of the land and the sea and the birds of the air returned to their resting places. The energy of All That Is grew quiet. The Sun exhaled a final breath of flame upon the horizon giving a promise to return to All That Is. The Powers That Be looked upon this and said, "It is good. For in this time of quiet, All That Is may rest and reflect upon the lessons and joy of Day and know gratitude. And the promise of the setting Sun shall be fulfilled, bringing to All That Is another Day filled with dreams. The light of the little flame shall not be extinguished, but shall remain a reminder of what Is and what shall Be. It's name shall be called Dusk." And it was so.

And darkness returned once again. But within this darkness remained a tiny light, a reminder of the Flame and what is to return again. From Night, to Dawn, to Day, to Dusk, and to Night again. On and on.

And it is good.

The Stone Wall

From March 2007:


The Stone Wall


Imagine your life as a path, a dirt road winding up a hill. You have to walk this road everyday to reach your destination. All around you the landscape is lush and green and fertile and teaming with life.

As you walk along the path enjoying the view of the lush green valley below, you trip over a large rock and land flat on your back. The breath has been knocked right of you. As you lay there, looking up at the clouds floating overhead, you consider your options. You stand up, brush yourself off, then move the rock to the side of the road and continue on your way.

The next day as you walk along the path, you notice that the hillside looks a little unstable. The wind and rain have left the land above the road eroded and it is in danger of coming down and destroying the road and everything on and around it. You are so busy looking at the danger of the hillside that you don’t notice the loose gravel on the path and you slip and fall, knocking your head on a rock. A little dazed and not just a tad embarrassed, you look around to see if there is anybody else around who might have seen. Nobody is. So, you pick up the rock and move it to the side of the road next to the one from yesterday and begin to resume your journey. Then you stop and look back at the gravel. You think that maybe you should do something about it. You don’t want anybody else slipping and getting hurt. So, you gather up the gravel and you put it on top of the rocks on the side of the road and you continue on your way.

The next day brings rain and wind. The road is muddy, but you know you must walk the path to reach your destination. You don your raincoat and galoshes, grab your umbrella and head on down the road. Sure enough, the path is a soggy, muddy mess. The rain has washed many rocks down the hillside and left them scattered across your path. You are tired and wet and cold, but you know you must clear the path in order to pass through. So you begin to move the rocks to the side of the road, one at a time. It takes all afternoon, but as you place the last rock on the pile the sun breaks through the clouds, leaving the landscape bathed in rays of sparkling light. You wipe your hands on your pants, smile, and continue on your way.

The next day you walk the path, breathing in deeply and filling your lungs with the fresh, rain-cleaned air. You are thinking about how beautiful everything looks after the rain. Suddenly, you notice a large boulder that has rolled down the hill and is now blocking the road so you cannot pass. You try pushing the boulder out of the way, but it will not move. You try climbing over the top of it, but it is too big. You try to walk around it, but there is no room. Just when you are about to completely give up hope and turn back or leave the road altogether and head down the hill to the farm in the valley below, you notice another traveller walking along your path. As he approaches, you call out to him for assistance. He agrees to help you, and together – with the aid of a large branch used for leverage - you push the boulder to the side of the road. You shake hands with your fellow traveller and thank him for his assistance, then continue on your way.

Each day you walk this path. Each day you are faced with new rocks and new boulders and new obstacles. And each day you move them to the side of the road. Then, one day, as you are walking along the path, you notice a beautiful rock wall that you have never noticed before. Each rock has been placed by hand and secured with gravel. At the center of this wall is a large boulder, propped against the hillside, holding back the erosive danger making the path safe for all who walk it. You smile, and continue on your way.


Alternate Story:

Imagine your life as a path, a dirt road winding up a hill. You have to walk this road everyday to reach your destination. All around you the landscape is lush and green and fertile and teaming with life.

As you walk along the path enjoying the view of the lush green valley below, you trip over a large rock and land flat your back. The breath has been knocked right of you. As you lay there, looking up at the clouds floating overhead, you consider your options. You stand up, brush yourself off, step over the rock and continue on your way.

The next day as you walk along the path, you notice that the hillside looks a little unstable. The wind and rain have left the land above the road eroded and it is in danger of coming down and destroying the road and everything on and around it. You are so busy looking at the danger of the hillside that you don’t notice the loose gravel on the path and you slip and fall, knocking your head on a rock. A little dazed and not just a tad embarrassed, you look around to see if there is anybody else around who might have seen. Nobody is. You consider yourself very lucky that nobody saw you fall, but still you berate yourself for not paying better attention to what you were doing and make a half-hearted promise to yourself to do better next time. You carefully pick your way over the gravel and around the rocks and continue on your way.

The next day brings rain and wind. As you stand in your doorway looking out at the storm, you tell yourself that it would be smarter of you to just stay home in front the nice, warm fire where you will be dry and safe. You shut the door against the storm, fix a hot cup of tea, and settle in for the night.

The next day you walk the path, being very careful not to step in any of the mud puddles left by the rain. Suddenly, you notice a large boulder that has rolled down the hill and is now blocking the road so you cannot pass. You try pushing the boulder out of the way, but it will not move. You try climbing over the top of it, but it is too big. You try to walk around it, but there is no room. Just as you give up hope and turn around to leave, you notice another traveller walking along your path. You meet him halfway and inform him that there is a giant boulder blocking the path and that he will have to turn around and find another route because there is no getting around it. You continue on your way back from whence you came.

For the next several weeks you begin walking down the path only to find that nobody has come along to remove the boulder from the path. Not only that, but a giant mudslide has caused all the rocks and stones to bond together and this has created a giant rock wall firmly blocking the path from any who would pass. Finally, the day comes when you no longer venture out of your home. You may, on occasion, walk out into your yard to look up the path only to see that the wall is still there – and you return inside to watch a Nature program on television, or read a book about another man’s adventure out in the world, and fall asleep without dreaming.


Another Alternate Story:

Imagine your life as a path, a dirt road winding up a hill. You have to walk this road everyday to reach your destination. All around you the landscape is lush and green and fertile and teaming with life.

As you walk along the path enjoying the view of the lush green valley below, you trip over a large rock and land flat your back. The breath has been knocked right of you. As you lay there, looking up at the clouds floating overhead, you consider your options. You stand up, brush yourself off, kick the rock with your foot, break your toe, swear loudly and scream to all who hear that the road is dangerous, that only a fool would walk it, and that you will never walk this path again. And you don’t. You just sit there, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. And the rains come and the winds blow and the hillside above succombs to the elements and a landslide roars down and buries everything in its destructive path – the road, the trees, the flowers, and you.




The End

Sort it Out

Today is laundry day. OK. Everyday is laundry day around here, but today I made a special connection with it. I noticed how much heavier the dirty clothes are and how much lighter and fluffier everything is when it comes fresh and warm out of the dryer. I got to thinking how very much like spiritual growth and development laundry is. Go with me on this.

First: Sort your laundry. Sure, you could just throw it all in together, but then it would eventually all end up the same shade of dull and meh. I guess that's ok if you're a dull and meh person, but I truly doubt anybody is really dull and meh ... they just haven't realized their full on spark, yet. Anyway ... back to sorting the laundry.

Whites need to be washed in hot water with bleach to maintain their sparkly whiteness and brightness. They go in one pile. Dark colors, however, will fade if they are washed in hot water. They need cold water to maintain their full saturation of color. They go in a different pile. Then you've got your jeans and towels - they need a heavier wash cycle and longer to dry so they go in a pile (or two) over there. On the other end of the spectrum, you've got the handwash/delicates - sweaters, silks, undies. Those get a very special pile of their own.

Next up: actually putting them in the washing machine. You can sort your clothes til the cows come home, but unless they actually ever make it into the washing machine they're not gonna get clean. So, pick a pile, put it in the basket and carry it to the washing machine. Put in your favorite detergent (if you have sensitive skin or allergies, now is a very good time to take that into consideration), maybe some liquid softener (I like my clothes really soft), start filling with the proper temperature of water - hot for whites, warm for colors, cold for darks and handwash/delicates - and make sure you pick the right load size so there's enough water to clean without wasting any and choose your cycle. If you're not sure which cycle is best for which load, you can always check the guide under the lid or your owner's manual for the manufacturer's recommendations. If you notice a stain on something, put a little stain remover on it to help get it out in the wash. Put your clothes in the machine, turn it on and let it get to work cleaning out all the dirt and muck and sweat and grime from daily wear.

Once the machine is all done with the soaking and washing and spinning and rinsing and spinning again, your clothes are clean ... but not ready to wear, yet. Unless, of course, you enjoy wearing soggy, wet clothes. I can't imagine, but whatever.
The next step in the process is getting the clothes dry so you can wear them. Most of them can go right into the dryer. Pick a temperature setting, toss in a dryer sheet if you so desire, choose a timelength and turn it on. Make sure the lint filter is all cleaned out - not only don't you want that stuff back in your clothes, but the dryer runs much more efficiently when it's clean. The exception here is the handwash/delicate clothing items. You absolutely do not want them going anywhere near the dryer. These must be hung or laid flat to dry. Check the tag. Proper care is essential! Yes, this is a lesson learned the hard way. Too many sweaters have become doll clothes by spending time in the dryer. Too many underwires have been rendered ineffective. Too many ... well, you get the idea. Lesson learned.
The final step to the whole process: Fold, iron if needed, and put neatly away until you're ready to wear.

Why did this strike me as even remotely related to personal spiritual growth? Let me explain. Just like your clothing requires special care and maintainence, so does your Inner Self. You need to do a regular checking and sorting and cleaning and fluffing of your Self to remain in good Spiritual condition. Keep your heart clean, your habits stain-free, your emotions carefully tended and mended. Just like your laundry, it doesn't take care of itself. You need to keep on top of it and make sure you're always ready to wear and face the world.

I Hope the Ache Lessons

From May 17, 2007

"I hope the ache lessons."

My oldest child moved out, off to begin her independent life in the adult world. I'm a blogger, so I blogged about it. I blogged about how it is an almost physical ache, having your child leave home. A very kind lady commented on the blog with the statement, "I hope the ache lessons." Wow. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Yes, I know she meant "lessens" as in "becomes less than it is" and that this was just an unintentional typo, but this typo holds more profound meaning for me than any other words of mom-like encouragement and empathy could.

"I hope the ache lessons."

That simple statement jostled me out of my stagnation and grief over losing my daughter. I had been feeling very sorry for myself over it. Then, with this little comment, I felt smacked between the eyes with the realization of my unreasonable reaction to it. I didn't lose my daughter - she just moved. She is proving with each day she lives on her own that she really can survive without me. And this is a good thing. She has the tools to survive on her own and to learn her own life-lessons now. I have learned to trust that she will make those choices that are right for her, that she will learn the lessons she needs to learn. She is a very powerful being. This I learned. I also learned that I am a very powerful being as well. After all, I gave her those tools and showed her how to use them. I've also learned that, just as I still need to call on my mother occassionally for advice and support, she will call on me for the same. And she does. And I've learned that this is a good thing. I know now that not only will we both survive this transition, we will thrive because of it.

"I hope the ache lessons."

There will always be moments in life that cause pain. It may be little wince of embarrasment when you trip over your own feet in front of a crowd. Or perhaps it's seeing an old friend or lover that betrayed your trust. Maybe you are experiencing an awful illness that leaves your body feeling beaten and worn. Or your finances just aren't what you think they should be at this point in your life journey.

Whatever your pain is – no matter how big or how small - you have a choice. You can focus on the seemingly destructive energy of your situation, wallowing in the unfairness of it, and screaming about how nothing could possibly be worse. You can choose to do nothing and let things remain as they are, stagnant. Or you can, instead, choose to find the lesson and the opportunity for joy under the circumstances. It's all up to you – how you choose to view the situation and what you choose to take from it. You can let it destroy you, ignore it and hope it goes away (it won't), or you can allow it to lift you to new levels of self-awareness and compassion. Your choice.

Growing pains. They're not easy. They're not supposed to be. They wouldn't be called "pains" if they were.

"I hope the ache lessons."

It did for me.

Look-See

From May 28, 2007:

Looking is not seeing.

To look for something is to seek what you do not have or know.

To see something is to know it as it is.

One can look and never see, but one cannot see without opening his eyes to look.

Rocky Horror - Spiritual Advisor?

From September 2007:

Rocky Horror - Spiritual Advisor?

"You're doing The Rocky Horror Show?!? But you're a spiritualist! An ordained minister, even! You help people find their spiritual way. How can you even think of participating in something as base and lewd as The Rocky Horror Show, let alone perform in it?" Just the thought of it confounds people. Really confuses them. But it all makes perfect sense to me. It's a perfect fit in my mind and heart. How so?

It can be – and has been – argued that The Rocky Horror Show is a morality play, that our heroes, Brad and Janet, are representative of us, Everyman, and that Dr. Frank N. Furter and the other lascivious characters embody the licentious temptations of the forbidden fruits that will spiritually and emotionally destroy us. In the end, however, we … er, they are saved by the realization and acceptance, in the forms of the mutinous Riff-Raff and Magenta, that things have gone too far out of control. Dr. Frank N. Furter and the other bacchanalians are destroyed and Brad and Janet are returned to their "real" lives with carnal knowledge now in the place of their former innocence.

But that's not where I find my spiritual connection with the show. It's so much simpler for me than that. For me, it's in the lyrics. It's the gems of truth and wisdom and the almost Eastern philosophical guidance found in the words of the songs that have guided so many aspects of my life for the last twenty-odd years.

"There's a light in the darkness of everybody's life." Even the saddest, grumpiest, most unreasonable troll of a person has a secret soft spot of happiness and love deep down inside. Some people are just like a burnt marshmallow, all crispy and charred on the outside, but soft and sweet and oozy-gooey sugary on the inside. If you're willing to offer a little understanding and patience, that outer layer can and will easily be removed allowing that inner sweetness to be discovered and shared.

When I was a little girl living on a very small island in Italy, there was a terribly grumpy old man who lived in a little house down at the end of our road. We never saw him smile. He never had any visitors. And he always watched us play with a scowl on his face. One evening, he invited my little sister and I to stay and have hot milk and fried potatoes with him. Of course, we turned tail and ran home just as fast as we could without saying a word. When we told our mother what had happened, she walked with us back down to the little house at the end of the road and introduced herself – and us – to the old man. He was a widower and lived alone. His children had moved to the mainland and he never saw his grandchildren. He was lonely. After that night, and learning that he wasn't a scary old man at all, but a lonely grandpa who missed his bambini, we would look forward to having hot milk with molasses and fried potatoes with him every Friday night while he told us stories and taught us Italian words and customs. He became one of my most favorite people ever, and his memory lives as a light in my heart to this day.

"After the night there's a brand new day." No matter how rough our lives are, no matter how horrible our day is, no matter how seemingly insurmountable the task at hand appears, there is always the promise of success and accomplishment and joy. Stick with challenges, keep holding to the faith that all is at is should be, embrace and learn from the experience, and look forward to tomorrow. As Scarlet O'Hara stated so boldly in Gone with the Wind, "Tomorrow is another day."

I was a high school junior and had just barely turned seventeen when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a radical mastectomy, removing her entire left breast and lymph nodes. Not even a week after being released from the hospital, she was readmitted with a staph infection that had her on life support for several days. She almost didn't survive. But one afternoon as I went to visit her after school, I heard her voice singing down the hallway a song from another favorite show of mine, Monty Python's The Life of Brian. It was at that moment as I heard her voice singing, "Life's a piece of shit when you look at it," that I knew my mother would survive.

Of course, she wasn't the same woman she was before. Her brain had suffered quite a bit of damage and she had difficulty remembering how to read and write. It was such a difficult time for her. She had always been a prolific reader. But she never gave up. She would spend hours doing crossword puzzles and word searches. She watched Wheel of Fortune regularly, and although she'd get frustrated when we'd call out the answer to the puzzle long before she had it figured out, she never gave up. She kept saying, "I'll get it tomorrow. I'll do better tomorrow." And she did. She is now a published author.

Her example taught me that nothing is insurmountable if you keep working and trying to do better and hold on to the promise of tomorrow.

"Stay sane inside insanity." Even when – no, especially when the whole world seems to turn against you and everything you know begins to crumble all around you, stay strong in your heart and remember "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger." If you keep hold of this belief and remember that just because everyone around you seems to have lost their heads, it doesn't mean you have to lose yours.

Last November, my father-in-law was scheduled for some routine testing. The morning he was to go in, he had a heart attack. The result of this was surgery to insert two stents into his arteries. That same day, while he was in surgery, I received news that my uncle was being admitted for brain surgery to remove a malignant tumor and that his chances of survival were minimal at best. The insanity continued. The next day we learned that my father-in-law's artery had been nicked during surgery and his heart sac was full of blood and his lungs were filling with fluid. His prognosis wasn't so great now, either. My husband spent every available moment with his father and mother, while I spent as much time as I could on the phone with my cousin trying to stay updated on my uncle's condition. It was a crazy time, to say the least, and quite possibly one of the biggest challenges to "staying sane inside insanity" I've ever experienced. But, thanks to the loving support of family and friends and to daily meditation, we managed.

"Don't dream it, BE it." It's not just enough to want something or to wish for something. In order to achieve it, you must do what is necessary to attain your goal. You must educate yourself, you must practice and gain the experience, you must actually see yourself in that position whether it is professional, emotional, personal, spiritual, etc. You must truly believe in yourself and all the possibilities you hold within you. You must honestly accept that not only can you become what it is you wish to become, you are IT already.

This is true not only of what you want to be – an astronaut, a CEO, a ballerina, a rock star, a neurosurgeon – but of what kind of life you want to have and what kind of person you want to be. It is your choice to be happy, to be successful, to be kind, to be respectable, just as it is your choice to be miserable, to be a failure, to be cruel, to be untrustworthy. No matter what life throws at you, how you choose to react to it and to act in spite of it shapes and determines the person you become.

There have been so many opportunities for different choices in my life. But I am determined to be a happy person no matter what, so instead of dwelling in the negative aspects of my life – my mother's cancer, my abusive first marriage, single parenthood, health scares – I choose instead to embrace the opportunities for learning and for growth. I choose to be an example (a good one, I hope) to others who find themselves in similar situations. I choose love and joy and understanding. And with these choices I sing, "I've seen blue skies through the tears in my eyes, and suddenly I realize I'm going home."




copyright 2007 Leisl Bonell

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

New blog, just for writing!

Yup! Another blog. This one, however, will only by for my writings. If you're curious about my other blogs, see the links on the side there and go check 'em out.

To get this ball rolling, I'm going to go on a hunt for things I've written in the past and post them here. I tend to be sporadic with my writing, so keep checking back - something new is bound to turn up sooner or later.

Most of all ... have a gloriously fabulous RIGHT NOW!